why me?

“he rescued me because he delighted in me”
psalms 18:19b

god’s love

“all our further inisghts about who and what god is must revolve round this mystery - the mystery of his love.  in a certain sense they can only be repetitions and amplifications of the one statement that ‘god loves.’”
-karl barth

“the goodness, grace, righteousness, faithfulness, wisdom, and patience of god do not take us beyond the thought of divine love but describe different aspects of its reality.”
-wolfhart pannenberg

church

last weekend i had strep throat and was unable to make it to a sunday gathering of jesus followers.  man it was so refreshing to join in communal worship, prayer, and meal.  it’s so encouraging and reenergizing to be a part of the body of christ, especially when we gather together.  a woman prayed something that stuck with me this afternoon.  i can’t remember the exact prayer but it went something like this:

“god we know that we’re no where close to the place that we want to be, but today we thank you that we’re not in the same place we were at when we met you.”

all too often in my life i see the person that i’m not, the person i’m failing to be.  this afternoon i had sometime to reflect on the person i am today versus the person i was many years ago.  praise be to god for transformation!  i have a LONG LONG way to go, but man i needed to hear that today.  god’s at work.  he’s not done, and i thank him for that.  but he has been at work, and i praise our god for that!

comfort and salvation

“i will praise you, O LORD. 
although you were angry with me, 
your anger has turned away 
and you have comforted me.surely God is my salvation; 
i will trust and not be afraid. 
the LORD, the LORD, is my strength and my song; 
he has become my salvation.”
isaiah 12:1-2 

this passage really encouraged me today.  yes, we have all done things that have angered god, but his anger has turned away from us.  god is our comforter not our condemner.

god…

pursued, pursues, and will continue to pursue me.  i rejoice in that today.

what it’s about…

as i was reading through galatians chapters 2 &3 today i was reminded of this quote from camp this summer.

“it’s about us recognizing that we’re sinners.

it’s about us recognizing that we’re spiritually dead and that we can’t save ourselves, that even our righteous deeds are like filthy rags according to the scriptures.  

it’s about us seeing ourselves clearly and recognizing that we need a savior, that we need to be rescued from our sin and from ourselves.  

it’s about falling on your knees at the feet of the only one who has the power to make dead things live and saying, ‘will you save me?’

that’s christianity.”  

-darin mcwatters, hume san diego 2008

bitter sweet confession

he who covers his sin will not prosper, but whoever confesses and renounces them finds mercy.
proverbs 28:13

therefore confess your sins to one another praying for each other so that you may be healed.  the prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.
james 5:16

blessed is he whose transgressions are forgiven, whose sin is covered…then i acknowledged my sin to you and did not cover up my iniquity.  i said, “i will confess my transgressions to the lord” - and you forgave the guilt of my sin.
psalm 32:1, 5

the idea of confessing my sin to a friend has become a significant and difficult discipline in my life.  listening to confession has also become a significant and difficult discipline of my life.  in the past week i’ve heard confessions of adultery, hatred, rage, drug and alcohol addiction, pornography addiction, and eating disorders to name a few.

i don’t know if this is theologically correct or not, but as i begin to wrestle with the ideas of sin and shame i’ve come to this thought: sin is the junk that disconnects us from god, shame is the junk that disconnects us from each other.  many may disagree, but this is just the thought that’s currently going through my head.

we all have just bad crap that we’ve done in our lives.  we all have skeletons.  we all have secrets.  god knows them all but people don’t.  i believe that the practice of confessing sin to each other is lost.  talking with students, peers, and adults this past week has shown evidence to this.  rarely do we ever talk about the skeletons and secrets.  we live burdened lives, carrying around guilt and shame.  i believe that the only way to rid yourselves of guilt and shame is to confess them to someone.

in the verses above we find 3 things when we confess our sin: mercy, healing, and blessing.  isn’t that what we want for all of our sin and shame.  lets stop being fearful of judgment and rejection and start recieving mercy, healing, and blessing.

this blog is a little scatter brained, i know.  there’s just so much going on in my head in regards to confession right now.  take whatever you can from these thoughts.

why i work with high school students

i’m currently participating as a leader in a program at emmanuel reformed church called life hurts god heals. in short, it’s a group/program that has been created to allow students to talk about hurts that they’ve experienced in a safe place and with the hopes of finding gods healing touch.

last night students were told to write down one thing that they’ve done to hurt someone and one thing that they’ve been hurt by on a piece of paper. they then took that paper and put it up on the wall. i was overwhelmed at the things the students carry around. here are some of the things students put up on the wall: “raped,” “lust,” “impurity,” “mom’s suicide attempts,” “parents drug abuse,” “dad lies,” “teased,” “manipulated,” “used,” “rage,” and “abandoned.”

those are just a handful of the hurts.

read them again.

read them one more time.

now realize that the person who carries that burden around is just 15 years old….i mean think about that, 15 years old. people often laugh or joke about never being able or wanting to work with high school students because they’re too rowdy, they don’t listen, they’re difficult to understand, or whatever the reason. last nights confession time of hurt is the reason i want to work with high school students. when i see students, i don’t see some rebellious, crazy, and out of control young person. i see a young girl who was raped and doesn’t know why. i see the young man who has been abandoned and left by everyone they know, including family, and he doesn’t know why he isn’t loved or valued. he wonders what he did to push everyone away. high school students carry around these heavy, HEAVY, hurts and questions. i hope god can work through my imperfect self to show them how much he cares, how much he loves, and how much they’re valued.

nearsighted

there have been several times in my life where god seemed so far away and distant. usually (and by usually i mean 100% of the time) it was due to my lack of faith, my sin, or my just down right not wanting to be near him. it’s strange seeing god at such a distance. it’s almost as if we can get used to seeing him there.

farsighted people can only physically focus on objects that are further away from them, so when you bring an object close to them it becomes blurred. i think there were times in my life where i was spiritual farsighted. i had spent so much of my life observing him from a distance that when he would draw near toward me things would look a little blurred. he was always an “object” or being to study and talk about, not someone to have a relationship with and talk with. it was more comfortable to talk to friends about him than to talk directly to him.

nearsighted people are capable of focusing on objects that are close to them, and in return have blurred vision of objects that are far from them. i’ve been trading in my farsightedness for nearsightedness, and by “i” i really mean the holy spirit has traded my farsightedness for nearsightedness. we use glasses in order to correct our visual handicaps of farsightedness. god uses the holy spirit. god has drawn near to me and i to him. he looks clearer the closer he is to me.

many of you reading this may be thinking that my metaphor is flawed. you may think that if the holy spirit was going to correct my farsightedness he wouldn’t give me the opposite handicap and make me nearsighted, but instead he would just give me perfect vision.

here’s the deal though, i want to be nearsighted. i don’t want to see what’s far from me. i want to see what god’s will is for my life now. i want to see what he has planned for me today. if i could see everything clearly i’d be constantly looking ahead and missing out on what is right in front of me. god is definitely near. i hope that i can continue to focus on that rather than trying to focus on what’s blurred ahead.

rashan

tonight a homeless man named rashan may have just impacted my life greater than any other person i’ve met, and he did it in the only 10 minutes i’ll ever have known him.