out loud

there’s something powerful in the act of sharing thoughts, troubles, joys, or confessions out loud with a friend.  i was reminded today of just how necessary and vital sharing my life with a good friend is.  it often reenergizes me.  it allows the load to lighten.

how many of us have skeletons that we keep to ourselves?  don’t we all just want someone to utter the words, “it’s ok.”  we’re often so quick to want to share the highs and joys of our lives with our friends, family, and loved ones.  sharing a life with someone includes sharing all the highs and lows.  i shared something with a friend today.  i was pretty vulnerable doing so.  i don’t regret sharing it.  in fact, i can’t believe i didn’t sooner.  none of us are in this fight alone.  lets do it together.

all the small things

i have often wondered what it is that god wants to do in my life.  will i ever be physically killed for him?  will i impact peoples lives in a significant way?  i read about people such as david, samuel, moses, peter, paul, ezekiel, jeremiah, ruth, and daniel and i wonder if god will ever use me in such a powerful way.  i deeply desire and am willing to do something completely insane for god, like eat scrolls, lead a country, part a large body of water, make people mad with who i’m sharing the gospel with, wear camel’s hair, cast out demons, or go to jail.  these all sound so “romantic” in nature.  it’d be like living a crazy dream.  it’s exciting, weird, and thrilling all at once.  but am i as deeply passionate about feeding the homeless guy on the side of the freeway?  am i willing to talk to my friends about what it means to follow jesus?  can i master the art of patience?  is it possible for me to love people more than i love myself? 

i can often become too focused on the “big” call of god.  it sounds so adventerous and exhilirating.  as i read through scripture though i begin to recognize that all of the faith “giants” seemed to have a committed heart before their “big” call.  before there was any crazy works of god, these people were convinced that obedience to god in their daily lives was the ultimate goal.  my prayer is that god would begin to trade in any hopes or visions of what it means to follow him in what i’d consider a pretty “cool” way for a desire and thirst to practice on my patience and obedience with small things.

we watch so many “chick-flick” movies where there is a huge romantic act put on by some guy to win a girls heart.  we look at these movies and feel as if thats what true love is.  i think i do that with god sometimes.  i want to be able to put on a huge action of love to prove to him that i love him.  what those movies don’t show though, is did that man continue to love his wife daily.  did he do the laundry when she was tired?  did he wash the dishes for her?  did he cook dinner for her when she was just sick of working?  the little things are the witnesses of love.  i hope that i can begin to master the little things in my life to show god just how much he means to me.

meeting

ever have divine moments where you feel as though god specifically organized situations just for you?  recently i’ve been having a relatively difficult time with the transition moving back home.  i briefly touched on it in my previous blog.  today just seemed like another “blah” day for me since i’ve been back.  i feel somewhat out of touch with people.  i’m used to being around my friends all of the stinkin’ time.  now i wake up, hang out (usually alone), then go to work in the evenings.  i miss being surrounded by my friends. 

anyway, so today i was feeling especially frustrated with everything.  to be frank, i was in a bad mood.  so i go to work, it was slooooooooowwwwwwww.  i left a little early and rushed home.  i opened an e-mail from a friend that seriously….like….if i could only make you understand just how right on it was for me in this moment.  i started tearing up and crying a little bit.  everything i was frustrated with was spoken about in this email and spoken about with such kind words.  i feel and believe as though god somehow or another, through this email, met with me tonight.  that sounds weird to say.  but i believe it.  i love meeting times like this, where god just seems to give you the pat on the back you need in just the way you need it.  so thanks for the email (you know who you are)!  thanks for speaking through it!

it’s so nice to serve and know a god who is so personal.  he cares about the little things.  i don’t know why.  apparently he loves us that much.  i’ll never get it, but i’m glad to accept it!

so cal…

haven’t written for quite some time now.  the move back to cali isn’t as easy as i expected.  most people talk to me as if leaving ohio was just spectacular.  i’m excited to move on to what god has in store in the near future.  however, it’s difficult leaving “home” for good.  i miss my friends.  i miss my sister.  i hate but still miss cold weather somewhat….wait, no i don’t.  the move has been great.  yet my emotions are still all over the place.  once i start getting into a routine again i’ll be able to write more.  i’m just not completely settled in yet; i’ve only been back for about 5 days.  so to all who are reading, pray for me please.  thanks.

ready or not here i come

i was just informed a couple of days ago that i was accepted into fuller theological seminary’s master of divinity program, crazy!  i’m not going to lie; i’m a little intimidated about my graduate studies at fuller.  however, i’m extremely excited to welcome the new adventure, season, chapter, or whatever other metpahor you want to use into my life.  i feel like i’m still young enough, probably because i am, to feel like the world is still mine to “conquer” or explore.  the latter of the verbs is probably more accurate.  i sure am ready to explore my future at fuller. 

i’ve been in ohio for the past couple weeks doing little to nothing, simply enjoying friends, my sister, and hannah.  it’s been nice to have a prolonged time to say goodbye to everyone.  however, my time here is slowly coming to an end.

i’m reminded of the childs game (one that i still enjoy playing myself actually) hide-and-go-seek.  i’m “hiding” from my return to reality and responsibility that will meet me when i step foot in california.  it seems that everytime the “it” person is about to come seeking me they’re told they have to count another 50 numbers.  i’ve been hiding in ohio but i’m ready for the adventure of getting “safe.”  i’m ready to run around, through, under, or over any and all obstacles that are in my near future.  seems like right now my “base,” the place i must find in order to start a new game, is the masters of divinity program at fuller.  it will be an awesome run getting there, but one that i anxiously await.