so now, go.

as graduation approaches, i’m forced to “plan” out my near future.  there’s something inside of me that’s excited to move on to a new chapter in my life.  there’s something inside of me, however, that’s terrified.  i’ve had 4 years of “higher christian education” that has equipped me for a career, for a new kind of lifestyle.  it’s strange moving into adulthood; i still feel like a kid in so many ways.  but i’m supposed to be ready, prepared, and confident in the training given to me through the academic circles of college.  so why don’t i?

moses’ call has become a regular reading to me, exodus 3 – 4.  i always started reading from chatper 3 verse 10, “so now, go. i am sending you to Pharaoh to bring my people the israelites out of egypt.”  and i proceed to read moses’ doubts in god’s plan.  he asks god 3 questions: “who am i?” (v. 3:11), ”who am i supposed to say sent me?” (v. 3:13), and “what if no one listens?” (v. 4:1).  after god answers them moses makes 2 statements: “i’m not eloquent with words,” (v. 4:10) and “please send someone else to do it,” (v. 4:13).  after 4, well it’ll be 4 1/2 for me :),  years of college education i’m asking the same questions and making the same statements. 

however, about three weeks ago i was reading this passage over and over and over.  a new group of verses struck me, 3:7 – 9.  “the lord said, ‘i have indeed seen the misery of my PEOPLE in egypt.  i have heard THEM crying out because of their slave drivers, and i am concerned about THEIR suffering.  so i have come down to rescue THEM from the hand of the egyptians and to bring THEM up out of that land into a good and spacious land, a land flowing with milk and honey…and now the cry of the ISRAELITES has reached me, and i have seen the way the egyptians are oppressing THEM.”  then god says “so now, go. i am sending you…”

what does it mean for me to go?  will i ever feel completely prepared to go?  i realized those questions revolve around one object, me.  the conern with myself is silly.  for god’s concern is far greater than my questions.  god’s concern is for the suffering and oppressed people of this world, for those crying out to him.  when he refers to his people, relieving suffering, hearing cries, and rescuing god speaks of multiple people.  and that should also be my concern.  i pray that the world of me crumbles.  may my narrow vision of the world broaden.   may god become greater and i become less.